It’s a matter of perception

I embarked on a service for God, which fell to me since no one else would or could do it. It was a difficult service and full of sacrifice, heartache, disappointment and the love of God. It was such a challenging work, other Christians found it very hard to come alongside and help. Some came once or twice, a few stayed for a few months, but in the end, it became impossible for me to go on. God gave strength for six years. An amazing time and one that brought me close to the heart of God, and close to the heart of the people who lived in that location.

There was so much time and effort exerted, and even as I constantly walked around the area, I knew God was with me. I was never afraid, even in the darkness of night. Everyone treated me kindly and I felt a belonging there, even though I did not physically live there. My heart was there. Faith makes it possible and love makes it last.

The Christian leaders in my life at that time, could not support me. No one heard me speak, or knew what the message was. Perhaps they guessed. I eventually left that life behind and enjoyed the glory of God, in a ministry few understood. Sides helped set up equipment and came most times, but couldn’t embrace a wider ministry for himself. Others moved in and out. This is the challenge in the work of Christ in our days. We must be prepared to rest wholly on God and expect only what or who He sends. One friend drove two hours, two hours at the club and two hours driving home. Another would set up the equipment for sound and vision for a year, then someone else took over, when they moved on. Some promised eternal devotion and were never seen again.

I believe this work was made clear to those who sit in churches, to show them where they are and what they should be doing. We live in harsh times, and God looks for fruit where there are no seeds. His love will not permit us to keep the pews warm and have no lively service for His glory and the salvation of precious souls, wherever they may be.

Whatever was provided by God, was what was needed. The glory all is the Lord’s and that He lifted up an unapproved and unsuspected leader, to do this task. It was monumental and when it closed down after six years, my heart was broken. And yet the glory remained. We may be broken but not destroyed. God speaks and we obey. We might think we can’t do a given task, the flesh cannot. But Christ is all in all. He raises up the unlikely and the disregarded. He can do anything, things greater than moving mountains. Moving minds and hearts to even listen to the challenge of the gospel message.

Our young ones face enormous fears, temptations and doubts. We live in a world of violence and heartbreak. We cover it over with changing identity, assuming celebrity, and the glitter that is not gold. We need Jesus Christ who alone can dispel our darkness. Only He can forgive and dwell in us for our eternal good. It does not matter about tiredness, aching body and rejection of mind – we are sustained. Every trial is preparation for the next task. We follow our Lord Jesus right to the end, when God will call His people home to His full-time endless service, which will be pure delight.

Until then, I will wait for Him and be and speak for Him. I will tell people what He is really like and display the joy of knowing Him. The illness God has called me to carry, I do so with great joy. It is a special illness that is given to those saints who He knows will fight the fight and overcome in The power of the Spirit. The enemy is grievous, but victory is certain. My weakness is the same it has ever been – in dwelling sin, but that also fades. The closeness of Christ is the place of joy for the believer.

What next? I don’t know, but God will open the way before me, and I will enter in. There is no person too difficult, or situation too complex, that He will not give the wisdom to see and the power to act. Perhaps He is protecting me from the buffering of detractors and the offended pride of religious leaders. I write commentaries at the moment, and no one is more surprised than me.

I have spent all my life reading good material. I love the Word of God, and long to know it more and practice wisdom. I want others to know this too.

At present I am facing the work of Satan. Sides has decided to throw me off as his wife after 36 years and I am absolutely furious. He has no one else he just wants to be on his own and live his own life in his own way. The selfishness and conceit is stunning. He has decided to be silent and non- communicative as his family tradition is. I am stunned at the level of stubbornness and raw pride. I am now having to cope with anger as a Christian person and learn how to live with it and deal with it on a day-to-day moment by moment basis. I’ve no idea where this is going. I know who I’m going with and I will follow him right to the end. I pray my hindrances will be taken out of the way and I will be set free to live a life for the glory of God and for the pleasure of my own self as I walk with him.